Am I Real?
It sucks to have to eat out everyday when it's Valentine's Day, doesn't it? You have to deal with horrid traffic, long lines in fast food joints (ang cheap niyo magdate! hehe), and annoying cheesiness in the form of a couple doodling sweet nothings to each other on a paper napkin just on the other side of the glass window. Yeah, senti na kung senti, it's Valentine's Day, so forgive me.
I think I'm cursed.
You see, every girl I fall in love with - and I do mean every single one - ends up in a real relationship soon after I get involved with them. I'm not just referring to my ex-girlfriends, but to all the girls I've been in MUs with, that I've courted, that have turned me down, and even those I've seriously liked but were too afraid to tell. And by a real relationship, I don't just mean something that lasts more than two years (which most of them actually were - I can count at least two who're still together today), but also to a relationship so good that the girl forgets all about me after less than a month.
Yes, I'm cursed; I've been left for another guy twice already (and I mean it literally this time), and I end up like trash thrown out for the dogs to eat, or like a toy a kid buries in a toychest, or throws out even, when she's grown sick of it because she got a better toy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being bitter here - but it just plain sucks.
It's not that nobody takes me seriously. I just always end up the guy before the big one - you know, I'm the one you forget all about, the one about whom you say, "Oh him! He was.. I dunno, sweet, I guess.." when asked about, the one who you just remember as a notch on your bedpost. I end up the teacher - and God, how I hate that profession now - who teaches you all about how stupid, funny, needy, and irrational a guy acts when he's in love with you. I end up the one who taught you all about how to make your new guy happy, or possibly the guy from who you learned just what it means to love. I end up the one who ends up an insecure wreck, and you end up not caring about me because you're so in love with your new guy (who you, by the way, think is so much better than your old guy; why did I ever bother with him anyway?). I end up the guy you can afford to forget and stop caring about; what does it matter right? You're with him, and he's worth doing whatever you did to me for.
Sorry for the drama. Yeah I know you're tired of me acting like this, everyone is; heck even I'm really tired of it already. It's just that it's happened to me too many times already, and I'm just plain tired of it. It really sucks.
Oh well. It's not that I don't believe in love - hell, I can love you today like there's no tomorrow, and wake up the next morning and do the same thing if I choose to love you - I just guess it's just not for me. A lot of my friends tell me that maybe I just pick the wrong girls, but hey - fool me once, your bad; fool me twice, my bad; fool me thrice, there's just something wrong with me then. I can't help but think that I must be doing something really wrong for this to keep on happening to me.
So there, I think I've given up on love. It just doesn't happen to me - I'm just the fling, the flirting buddy, the best friend, or that classmate of yours who looks at you in a funny way.
Oh well, I guess I'd better start getting used to playing the part.
To those who have something to celebrate: Happy Valentine's Day.
To those who don't: Happy Valentine's Day rin.
Me? I'm going to down a few beers, get a more-than-a-little mellow, and watch Lost until I fall asleep.
The moon just rose outside my window.
Have a lovely night.
P.S. I'm going to have to edit this article. I'm a little bit too mellow already.
I think I'm cursed.
You see, every girl I fall in love with - and I do mean every single one - ends up in a real relationship soon after I get involved with them. I'm not just referring to my ex-girlfriends, but to all the girls I've been in MUs with, that I've courted, that have turned me down, and even those I've seriously liked but were too afraid to tell. And by a real relationship, I don't just mean something that lasts more than two years (which most of them actually were - I can count at least two who're still together today), but also to a relationship so good that the girl forgets all about me after less than a month.
Yes, I'm cursed; I've been left for another guy twice already (and I mean it literally this time), and I end up like trash thrown out for the dogs to eat, or like a toy a kid buries in a toychest, or throws out even, when she's grown sick of it because she got a better toy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being bitter here - but it just plain sucks.
It's not that nobody takes me seriously. I just always end up the guy before the big one - you know, I'm the one you forget all about, the one about whom you say, "Oh him! He was.. I dunno, sweet, I guess.." when asked about, the one who you just remember as a notch on your bedpost. I end up the teacher - and God, how I hate that profession now - who teaches you all about how stupid, funny, needy, and irrational a guy acts when he's in love with you. I end up the one who taught you all about how to make your new guy happy, or possibly the guy from who you learned just what it means to love. I end up the one who ends up an insecure wreck, and you end up not caring about me because you're so in love with your new guy (who you, by the way, think is so much better than your old guy; why did I ever bother with him anyway?). I end up the guy you can afford to forget and stop caring about; what does it matter right? You're with him, and he's worth doing whatever you did to me for.
Sorry for the drama. Yeah I know you're tired of me acting like this, everyone is; heck even I'm really tired of it already. It's just that it's happened to me too many times already, and I'm just plain tired of it. It really sucks.
Oh well. It's not that I don't believe in love - hell, I can love you today like there's no tomorrow, and wake up the next morning and do the same thing if I choose to love you - I just guess it's just not for me. A lot of my friends tell me that maybe I just pick the wrong girls, but hey - fool me once, your bad; fool me twice, my bad; fool me thrice, there's just something wrong with me then. I can't help but think that I must be doing something really wrong for this to keep on happening to me.
So there, I think I've given up on love. It just doesn't happen to me - I'm just the fling, the flirting buddy, the best friend, or that classmate of yours who looks at you in a funny way.
Oh well, I guess I'd better start getting used to playing the part.
To those who have something to celebrate: Happy Valentine's Day.
To those who don't: Happy Valentine's Day rin.
Me? I'm going to down a few beers, get a more-than-a-little mellow, and watch Lost until I fall asleep.
The moon just rose outside my window.
Have a lovely night.
P.S. I'm going to have to edit this article. I'm a little bit too mellow already.
05: And that laugh that wrinkles your nose touches my foolish heart.
posted by Jonathan at 6:37 PM
2 Comments:
"...notch on your bedpost..."
sugar we're going down by fall out boy? hahaha... ingat pare! Happy Single's Awareness Day! hahaha... inuman tayo sa sabado.
Something you might find nice. :)
Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last,
that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and
bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point.
This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on
but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open
doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the
changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that
obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female
friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need
that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds,
with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the
guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology
to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends
back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door,
for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of
the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for
compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by
the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are
accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being
boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and
unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and
unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone,
and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly
dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even
though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her
that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that
time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in
GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she
thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you
thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused
the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread
around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so
after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of
you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was
awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of
reckless
teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And
even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego,
you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.
The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps
more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they
should. And I wi! sh I could logically explain this trend, but I can't.
From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from
talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion
I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches.
Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when
presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as
"oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's
not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't
possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin
our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in
the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to
sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like
that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the
connection breaks down between what they say ( I want a nice guy!) and what
they do ! (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one
thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't
last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that
train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not
taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even
trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice
guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself
described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world
needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of
doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a
pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for
all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my
accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have
credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is
coming.
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