I watched the high school cast of Godspell perform last night. It was, in my opinion, probably the best official Zobel production I've ever watched. For once, there were no flying kids, no Jollibee mascot running amok on the stage, and no trying-hard-to-be-grand sets; rather, there was a licensed screenplay, a minimalist set (I'm a sucker for these kinds of plays), a live band (My brother Michael's playing the piano for all three castings - beat that!), a very capable director (who just happens to be my cousin Joonee), and an extremely talented cast (Anna, if by any chance you happen to come across this entry: Damn, girl! You are good! And I don't just mean hey-I'm-proud-of-you good, but seriously, brilliantly, abso-fucking-lutely wonderful good! It just sucks that the CPA's acoustics are horrible, and that your mic had to give out on you during your solo; good thing I was seated in front so I still got to hear you sing).
I realized while watching the play that I'm probably the least artistic among all the members of my family. Note, that by "my family" I'm not referring to my father's side (which is rather boringly composed of a bunch of dentists, but hey - they're all good cooks) but to my mother's side. Take my mom's cousin, Uncle Tiny, for example - aside from having painted several nudes and landscapes in different media over the past few decades, my mom tells me he's had a hand in painting the huge, fiery backdrop that covers the stage of CCP's main theater; I also recall overhearing he was supposed to be on the fast track to being a National Artist if only he actually were a Filipino citizen. Then you have my cousins, the Garcia sisters: Cherish, the eldest, has been a ballet instructor for as long as I can remember, and she writes for newspapers and magazines as a contributing columnist; Joonee, who I mentioned earlier as the director of Godspell, has been a piano instructor for as long as I remember, and she also directs some of the choirs of St. James in Alabang; Em, the youngest, aside from being a mamaw drummer, is an animator whose first full-length work, Everdusk, is set to come out in the US as a series (and she has all these bad-ass tattoos!). I also believe I have a distant cousin somewhere who teaches theater in Trumpets.
Then you have my siblings: Michael's gotten really good at playing the piano, and he specializes in weird-ass, syncopated, monstrous contemporary pieces that often leave you speechless when you listen to him play in CCP (I wonder when he's finally going to join NAMCYA); Jessica, my only sister, has been dancing since she was two or three years old, loving every bit of it, and now her toenails keep falling out because of her pointe shoes; Jeremy, my youngest brother, has also been taking piano lessons for quite a while now, though I'd prefer to see him onstage with that big voice of his, and he's creative with how to make people laugh. Hehe. I am such a stage brother.
[EDIT: Heck, even my mom has a history of performing onstage. She just told me a story about how she used to be part of her college's theater group; her favorite performance was their rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar.]
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All these leads us all to the question: What the hell can you do, Jonat?
I bet that almost all of you don't know that I started piano lessons at the age of four, continuing up to the age of thirteen, and that I've played in CCP at least three times already. I'm sure only a handful of you know that I'm a classically-trained guitarist, having studied under different instructors for four years and having been on stage once or twice; I've also taken improvisation, composition, and jazz guitar. I used to have a pretty dependable voice, but ruined it over the past four years of on-and-off (but mostly on) smoking. I used to dream of performing in a band - on vocals, playing the guitar, or even both! - but fat chance of that now, right? I haven't even touched a guitar in almost three years now, and I've been reduced to singing along off-key in the shower to songs I download on Limewire.
A whole lot more of you are aware of my passion for watching and making films, but did you know that it actually stems from my being a frustrated actor? You see, in third year high school I was persuaded into accepting the lead role for the class play which, after all the hours of practices and rehearsals, eventually won Best Play and Best Director. Although I didn't win an acting award, that play (along with me appearing on TV) was responsible for helping me getting rid of most of my adolescent insecurities and helping me become the walang-hiya person I am now. Now, well, I just like watching films other people make; I make short films or documentaries every now and then when they're required for school, but generally I really don't have time for pursuing any of my hobbies.
Oh, and I draw too! I keep journal-sketchbook entries of certain events in my life, much like the dude I featured in an entry I wrote around a month ago. I've actually been thinking of making my blog into something like that but it would take up too much scanning time and bandwidth to keep at it. Oh well. Now I just sketch (mostly sad self-portraits) in class to keep myself awake.
Last Christmas, Joonee asked me if I was interested to be part of the alumni cast of Godspell.
Can you act?, she asked.
Yep, I guess, I replied.
Can you sing?, she then asked.
Yep, I think I can, I answered.
Oh okay, but can you dance?, she finally asked.
[My mom and brother, who were overhearing the conversation, coincidentally managed to get samid at the same time, ending up in a fit of coughing that lasted at least a minute. ]
Erm, I can direct, I finally replied with a sheepish smile.
I want to do something productive again. I want to create, or at least be part of, something beautiful. I want to make a feature film. I want to be part of a one-hit-wonder band. I want to publish a book, or edit an anthology. I want to help produce a play. But hell, I guess I just don't have the time nor talent to do what I want anymore; I'm stuck in this money- and number- obsessed course caring about nothing but my grades and where I'm going to end up working.
Sorry if the whole mood of this whole entry seems mayabang. I guess I just feel that I need to remind myself once in a while of who I am and what I can do. I'm not even there yet, but corporate anonymity's starting to get to me already.
