The Pendulum Swings Again

Why can't I seem to do anything right anymore?

Palpak, palpak, palpak. Lagi na lang palpak.

I'm getting really tired of this.

Everything's happening like last year again, on a much smaller scale, admittedly - but I don't fucking need this.

Why can't I just make like an amoeba and not feel anything?

* * *

There are some days (or nights) when you just feel that nothing is going right. Last night (August 31) was one of them.

I don't know why, and neither can I explain how it felt. I was dead-tired, still half-hung-over from Embassy the previous night, and yet I couldn’t sleep.

I told my roommate, Tony: “Remember last week when you told me that you felt like you were going to die that very day? I’m feeling something similar now – but different in the sense in that I think I’m not going to wake up once I fall asleep.”

* * *

I’ve only been sober three of the past six nights, and I plan to get myself hammered senseless tonight and tomorrow night too. Yeah, I’m borderline alcoholic; bite me.

* * *

An ex-girlfriend once told me that I was too much of a control freak – that I had to be in control of myself, my world, and the people around me as well. I don’t know if it’s that bad, but I’m starting to realize that maybe it’s true.

Yeah, I may be one of the more spontaneous people you’ll ever know (or maybe my personality’s just too erratic, I don’t know), but I still have to maintain some degree of control over myself or my grades, at the very least. But I’ve been seriously fucking up recently – emotionally, academically, and even physically – and I don’t like it.

* * *

It’s September 1, people. Let me be the first one to greet you a very merry Christmas.

It sure looks like it’s going to be another cold, lonely, one for me, though.