6.02.2006

Exhaustion

I got caught by the police again today.

I was on my way back to the office from a business trip to print some tarps in Caloocan City – yes, Caloocan City, the northernmost city of Metro Manila (located just a little below Bulacan), and which is as provincial to the North as Cavite is to the South – and after stopping over for a while in Ayala Center to buy a book, have some tea, and be pleasantly surprised by a couple of friends who recently graduated from Ateneo, when I was pulled over by the Makati traffic cops (the previous two were the Manila police and the MMDA). Apparently I was in the wrong lane when taking a right turn to the Osmena Highway from some Buendia offshoot road (Mayapis, if I recall correctly). I’m just too tired to explain my side to you readers now, so I’ll just leave it at that. Fine, maybe I am guilty. Shoot me.

To cut a long story short, my license got confiscated again and now I have to claim it from the Makati Traffic Office or somewhere else within five working days.

What the actual point of this entry is, I just don’t get it anymore – my life, I mean. Why is it that whenever I’m actually starting to recover – to actually be satisfied, if happy's too much to ask for – something has to happen to pull me back down into depression?

Hindi na ako maka-ahon. Nakakainis na talaga, sa totoo lang.

Why does shit keep happening to me? Absolutely nothing good has happened to me in the past year, and I’m getting really, really tired already. I’m too tired to even get pissed about it.

At sawang-sawa na talaga ako sa buhay ko.

I have finally began to realize that I don’t deserve all that's happening to me. Why does fate, God, the Universe, the karmic principle, or whatever name you give that sadistic entity, keep on throwing shit at me when honestly all I’m doing is trying to be nice? You know, nice trying my best to be a good friend to my friends, helping people who need my help, just trying not to hurt anyone around me, minding my own business, and letting other people be happy with their lives. It's just unfair; it really is.

I know I’m beginning to sound self-righteous, but fuck, this is just ridiculous.

I am just so tired. Please, someone, just kill me in my sleep. Please.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

twix? :)

3:37 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

yes, please :(

or a frrrozen hot chocolate. that would be nicer.

3:38 PM  

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